When Post Partum isn’t so Post

When Post Partum isn’t so Post

I wish someone had told me that I wasn’t alone when I was pregnant with Bugs. I wish I could’ve been positive. I wish I could’ve enjoyed it. I wish I didn’t want to punch every positive person in the throat, and choke every person that told me how wonderful it was, and how good I had it to be able to be pregnant, and how wonderful it was to grow a life. 
I just never felt that way. It wasn’t just an inconvenience. I felt like I alone was on a private road to hell and no one could possibly understand. 
It didn’t end with pregnancy like I hoped it would. I stumbled through a whirl wind birth, and when the dust settled, the infections arrived. When the infections left, they took my ability to breast feed. And then the private road to hell became a daily dance with the devil. 
Every day I’m thankful for the wonderful husband that stuck with me through those times. I’m thankful I was able to see through the fog and seek therapy. I’m thankful for the sunny, happy days that surround me and lay ahead.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/05/31/magazine/the-secret-sadness-of-pregnancy-with-depression.html?referrer=

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